goodchicken1 (goodchicken1) wrote,

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This goes out

to all you harlots and perverts who cheat on great people because you're torpid, selfish human beings.

I hate you, wish you the worst, and if there was a hell (which there unfortunately isn't) I'd hope you all to suffer burning there for eternity with Satan personally slicing at your 'nads with red-hot razor blades. Daily. Prometheus/eagle-style.

Well, since there isn't any hell, I wish you the equivalent of hell on earth. I don't care that your suffering won't benefit me in any direct way, or that I'm not being PC. Bleed. Suffer. Writhe in pain.

No excuse is a good excuse...because all excuses have the same, easy, fool-proof solution. Any imbecile with a few functioning neural connections could understand.

Let's check out some winning excuses. (Note: This is in no way a comprehensive list of excuses, but most of these excuses I've actually heard used.)


Excuse #1: You're not really that into the person you're with. Solution: Dump them.

Excuse #2: You don't like their race, political views, religion/lack thereof, etc. Solution: Dump them.

Excuse #3: They're too physically repulsive for "perfection incarnate" (aka. you). Solution: Dump them.

Excuse #4: They don't know how to dress, and it gets your panties all knotted up. Solution: Dump them.

Excuse #5: They're not giving you enough booty to satisfy your salacious desires. Solution: Dump them.

Excuse #6: They're not giving up ANY booty for some higher moral/religious reason. Solution: Respect and live with their choice, or dump them.

Excuse #7: Their cat gives you life-threatening allergies. Solution: Dump them.

Excuse #8: You can't stand the way they laugh. Solution: Dump them.

Excuse #9: Their breath stinks of your least favorite food, no matter how many mints you give them. Solution: Dump them.

Excuse #10: You've got "O.J. Simpson-esque" memory, so probably won't remember cheating even if you it's kind of like you never cheated...pretty much...almost...if you could only remember what you were talking about. Solution: WTF are you doing in a relationship in the first place? Get back to the sanatarium, you deranged creep.


Then again, I guess selfishness wins over the majority of our "HEREANDNOWANDIWANTATOYANDMYCAKEANDEATITTOOALLTHETIMENOWNOWNOWGIMME" population.

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